A Call For Action

Try to put yourself in my shoes…

You’re out with some close friends on something like a double date. One of the ladies you’re with gets harassed on the dancefloor by some drunk, angry gang members. Your best friend (since day one) doesn’t react calmly to this disrespect. He gets protective and fights.

Because your friend stuck up for the homegirl, he gets jumped and beat within an inch of his life by many people. Outnumbered, you’re trying to stop this fight and get away. The situation is escalating and you’re the only person who can stop this in time. Your friend is being strangled and his legs have stopped kicking, his life is in very real danger. You’re handed a gun so with the only effective means available, you subdue the crowd and stop the fight.

You haven’t fired a shot but now you have a gun. It’s not yours so you don’t even know if it’s loaded. To make matters more complicated, now you are the target. You tell them to back up so you can leave but they won’t. It’s obvious they’re not in their right minds. You’re attacked and in a moment of self preservation, you react and fire on your attacker. You had given them every chance to back up and let you leave. You didn’t ask for this situation.

There’s a stigma around the gang member label which I hate to reinforce. But by now I imagine you’ve guessed which “gang” I’m talking about. To clarify, I believe there are law enforcement people who would advocate for truth, justice, and fair play. I’m not generalizing, I’m comparing a few specific people and their accomplices (about 10 in my case) to the stereotype I had to contend with. Prior to that terrible moment I had grown up and conquered the negative impulses I had as a young man (before my twenties I had made plenty of mistakes). I didn’t make a mistake on the night I’m infamous for but my character became the issue. Who works together to commit a crime, cleans up after each other, and has each other’s back right or wrong? That label shouldn’t only cut one way because it makes a person’s humanity easy to dismiss, also their right to defend it.

The stigma around First Degree Murder is another uphill battle. When activists advocate for the wrongfully convicted, they’re usually standing against cases of mistaken identity or they’re standing for well known political prisoners. I just had a really bad night when my friend and I were attacked by a group of drunk, fight trained people who weren’t in their right minds. I gather now that we had been recognized as “gangsters” and ex-felons which (I guess) justified the sexual harassment of one of the girls with us. Whatever the cause, I was forced into a situation where I had to defend my friend’s life. There are certainly more deserving causes than mine, however, my actions were not those of a criminal or vigilante and there’s no way I deserve to be labeled a murderer.

I still often ask myself if I sound like I’m complaining or trying to get sympathy. My heart says I’m not. I’m speaking truth to power and fighting for my freedom. I’ve read a lot of law books and my circumstances didn’t call for a murder conviction. This is an attempt to get a new lawyer and a fair trial through a process called Habeas Corpus. I have a lot of love for people so I think people will have love for me.

– Esé Spook Armendariz